honesty

i believe that all loves are different. i have had a love that was paper thin and skin deep; as beautiful as intricate as fragile as a butterfly's scales. one that only appeared when it needed to be, retiring for the while when I needed it less, not lost but undisclosed; one I thought was forever ready to welcome me back, complete me again when I get too broken (a love that one day had enough of me fucking up). a love that was too tenuous to be tangible, so frail that the mere mention of its existence was enough to break it beyond recognition. a love that was infinite but never eternal.

then there's you. you are the love that's unknowing. innocent and unaware of all the hurt that i could possibly be for you. the one i'm afraid is blind to all of my scars. the one who looks at me and sees an idealized, immortalized reflection; not of me, but of what you need. an image i could never hope to live up to. you're the love that i need, but needs me more. you're the love i'm most afraid to hurt.

to tell you the truth, i agree with the idea that this relationship isn't healthy. we're so different that i can't wrap my head around how we're going to be 6 months, a year from tonight. to tell you the truth, i tried to see me proposing, marrying you - and i couldn't (right now?). but right now i need you, and you need me. and with that comes responsibility. i'll take care of you. i never, never want to hurt you. but i know someday i'll have to.