Unatomic

I love you. Why is that so easy to say to you? It shouldn't be. I don't. Maybe once, but that was so long ago, that I forgot how to. You aren't here, never here, so how could I love you? I understand that now. 

Maybe there is a parallel universe where we were all happy. One where you didn't leave and you needed me and I needed you back. But we aren't there; all we have is this one, and guess who screwed up?

I'm not angry or anything. I just don't care. It would be easier if you didn't either. We could live our lives without guilt or neglect or denial or apathetic phone calls or one way streets. Cut our ties and we won't get tangled again. 

But no, you're reaching. And maybe there's nothing left to save, dad. Maybe you're calling a stranger you don't know. Maybe I don't need you, I just need you to leave me be. 

You were never a father to me, so stop trying to be now, when it's all too late.