2013's films

I made a list of all of the movie's I've watched in 2013.  I'm pretty sure I missed a lot, and I also didn't include the movies I rewatched, like The Breakfast Club, etc, but I tried to make it as comprehensive as possible. I also added comments/mini-reviews for each of them, and when I watched them (if I remembered). I think that this is a good way to reflect upon the past year, a form of looking back, because I believe that the person watching a movie isn't the same person when the credits start rolling; in a way each of these films changed me somehow. Anyways, this'll take a while so I'll get started!

2013

Moulin Rouge (2001) - ?.?.13 - The music's arranged pretty well, I'd say. Let's all just be children of the revolution. Viva la vie Boheme!

Pitch Perfect (2012) - ?.?.13 - I really like this movie. but mostly because of Anna Kendrick and the references to The Breakfast Club. Their covers sound great too, but is acapella singing really that big of a deal?

1/2 of Borat (2006) - ?.?.13 - This movie tries really hard to be funny, but it’s so dragging and pointless I don’t even know if I have enough patience to finish it.

1/2 of Anchorman (2004) - ?.?.13 - see above

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013) - ?.?.13 - It was funny enough, but not very memorable. I love magic though.

The Croods (2013) - ?.?.13 - I have a special place in my heart for Dreamworks films. This one was really for the family.

Rise of the Guardians (2012) - ?.?.13 - I love Russian badass Santa. This movie’s imaginative and funny, classic Dreamworks.

John Dies at the End (2012) - 4.4.13 - It’s smart-funny, and pretty good for a low budget indie movie. Plus Wong and Cheese. They’re swell guys.

The Dictator (2012) - 4.5.13 - I don’t know why this is funny when Borat and Anchorman wasn’t. Maybe it’s the comedic timing. “In loving memory of Kim Jong-Il”. Or maybe I was just in a better mood that day.

Megamind (2010) - 4.8.13 - Dreamworks > Disney at making funny movies.

GI Joe: Retaliation (2013) - ?.?.13 - I don’t like action, but it's as good as they come I suppose.

1/4 of Insidious (2010) - 4.20.13 - I couldn’t focus.

The Nanny Diaries (2007) - 4.21.13 - I never got Scarlet Johansson attractiveness until this movie. She should wear less make up more often.

Watchmen (2009) - 4.27.13 - Cool movie. Retired superheroes. No clear bad guys, I think. Dr. Manhattan and Rorschach are interesting. More realistic than most other superhero movies.

Billy Elliot (2000) - 5.6.13 - I watched this one for English class. It was all about gender stereotypes and dance, and they all had heavy british accents.

Whip It (2009) - 5.11.13 - Ellen Page in fishnet stockings. Also, something about roller derby? (search soundtrack)

Hotel Transylvania (2012) - ?.?.13 - It was okay. I don’t think Mavis deserved that goofy guy though, but eh whoever she zings with. Movie was funny at times, but eh. The comedy kind of changes?

Now You See Me (2013) - 6.10.13 - This movie reignited my desire to try and learn magic. The foreshadowing was subtle, I wish they’d have clued us in a bit more. But holy hell the plot twist. Nobody could have seen that coming (but only because it was out of the blue. Kinf od a deus ex machina on their part). The rest was kind of predictable, though. But all in all, well-written plot (sans character development). Ruffalo could have been less intense, it would have made the romance part less awkward.

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012) - 6.28.13 - I don’t get the poooint of it all. Does it even have one? Maybe “Belief and trust could make you go back in time” idek. But it was fine until the ending I suppose.

World War Z (2013) - 7.4.13 - Definitely more entertaining than the book. But I'm iffy about jump scares, and this movie's full of 'em.

Despicable Me 2 (2013) - 7.9.13 - They oversold the minions.

Pacific Rim (2012) - 7.13.13 - This movie is so frickin boss that I am currently employed. To Pacific Rim.

Battle Royale (2000) - 7.21.13 - It was very bloody, dystopian, and Japanese. A lot of characters, which surprisingly didn't ruin the plot. It was great, definitely.

Say Anything (1989) - 7.26.13 - Oh the 80's, the best time for romance flicks. I can see why it was a classic. The boombox scene: 10/10 would recreate.

Nacho Libre (2006) - 7.28.13 - It's Jack Black in a Nickelodeon movie! I don't believe in God, I believe in science. I /finally/ got that, ppl kept referencing it.

This Means War (2012) - 7.28.13 - “You’re gonna make me breathless, aren’t you?”

Dear Zachary (2008) - 7.29.13 - Perfection. /Incredibly/ well documented and edited. And the story. Jesus Christ, the story. I feel like there are rocks where my heart should be. It’s like an emotional gyroscope ride. It is haunting and emotionally exhausting.

The Wolverine (2013) - 8.4.13 - I don't watch a lot of Marvel films, but after this one, I'm thinking I should. Their writers may be geeky, but they really know what they're doing.

Keith (2008) - 8.23.13 - Now I want a yellow truck. A road in front of me. And nothing but opportunities.

The Wizard of Oz (1939) - 11.2.13 - I only had a fairy tale book of this story when I was a child, and now it's really nice to see the film adaptation. Plus now I'm really excited for Wicked, I REALLY hope I catch it.

We're the Millers (2013) - 11.3.13 - Just your run-off-the-mill comedy. It has really funny moments though, and the ending was sort of touching, in a weird way.

Annie Hall (1977) - 11.21.13 - I should really watch more Woody Allen. It was so well directed, and even though released almost four decades ago, it doesn't feel out of place in 2013.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012) - 11.21.13 - I need to finish this one. I got distracted heh.

Monster's University (2013) - 11.24.13 - It manages to somehow have a completely different feel from the first movie. It's a great prequel, and strong in terms of character development, even as a kid's movie HAHA.

Submarine (2010) - 11.24.13 - I love this movie. The caffeinated internal monologue. The characters try to be mature but fail, and there is realism in that. I mean they're in middle school (I think). I love Oliver's room, and I found a new alias for Starbucks, along with Charlie.

Paper Heart (2009) - 11.24.13 - The girl is so kawaii, not even cute, she's kawaii. Another movie where Michael Cera conquers love through awkwardness. He's so typecasted haha.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) - 11.24.13 - I like some quotes from it, and it's actually good for a mostly action flick. And a vampire /threw a motherfucking horse/ at Abraham Lincoln. I gotta admit that's pretty awesome.

Finding Forrester (2000) - 12.7.13 - Great solid movie. I liked following through with Jamal's successes, and Forrester's development. But what makes it so gret for me is that Jamal is so damn sassy.

Ender's Game (2013) - 12.8.13 - I've been meaning to read the series, but never got around to it. I loved the movie, but I felt it was too short. I would've enjoyed some background on the invasion, and other hings, but I suppose that's what the thirteen-novel series is for.

Frozen (2013) - 12.15.13 - Probably one of the best things Disney has come up with since Tangled. I love the music, its so catchy. And the snowman seemed kind of forced, but he's hilarious, especially his song about summer.

Gravity (2013) - 12.22.13 - The progression of the film was slow, yet effective. It was tense, but just slightly repetitive. It's forgivable though, how many things can happen in space as cinematic as a debris drive-by? I like what they accomplished with just a minimal cast, and how strongly they delved in Ryan's characterization.

Artificial Intelligence (2000) - 12.25.13 - Still having feelings from this one. It was so heart-wrenchingly sad. It's sad how humans there basically created a new race that they can marginalize. They played God, but didn't take responsibility. My heart is still breaking for David.

--

I'm sure I'll watch more the next few days, because the breaks not over, so maybe I shall update this. (with pics)

disposition

it is incredible how sleep exists in a painful world
fire across my chest keep me from it
every sound is an ache bellowed in earnestness
etching everything even after you stop to listen to
little hearts that struggle to count the seconds
beating weak but crying tumultuous
every litany in the plangent afterthought of midnight madness
time is supposed to be faster at night
ravishing rivers and roads in the privacy we never had
and the hurt
yearn more; and write if it's me
end my unassailable
dissolve me in to you

prayer

the wind rattles this church,
and so we stay,
hands entwined like a prayer
to the god of getting by.
blessed are you
among all else
for this hallowed calm -
at once and everlasting.

we stay,
hands entwined like a prayer
to the deity of secret messages.
at the hour of my death,
i would know peace
for I have known you -
you, my hierophany.

we stay,
hands entwined like a prayer
to the god of never letting go.
and so
we stay.

Let's get carried away

"I would love to be the song you sing

to everyone, for everything."

so dense

but i would want you really

Stop Messing With My Head, Carl

"Where the f*ck are we going?"

We're going on an adventure.

"What do I do?"

Just keep doing what you're doing. I like you.

"How much?"

Enough.

You're Frickin Cute

This isn't the time for infatuation.

But you seem so whole under the sunlight,
Shining on you and just you. The room
Is a void with the lights down;
You seem like the speed of light in space.
Your presence makes the vacuum less so.
A sun fusing and diffusing a trillion photons
Coalescing into your smile,
Coalescing in my sight.
Coalescing from corona to cornea;
You are my line of vision to the heavens.

Don't believe yourself. You are magnificent.
You look like you've been loved across
The universe. I think I'll stay here, brightness
adjacent (I'm afraid I'll get burned again).

This isn't the time for infatuation,
But can you blame me?

The Thing I Wrote Because the Play Started Late

Waiting for (more?) him,
tapping your fingers to old joy,
you are rhythm and patience
and excitement unheard of.

He comes back but he won't hold you tonight
and I just don't understand why-

Why he's holding your hand before the curtain rises
like it's a cheap, half-empty wineglass;
Why he's holding you just barely and so incompletely;
Why he's holding you like he doesn't know you're going to save him;
Why he isn't holding you as desperately
as recklessly
as I would.

Mahal, it breaks my heart to see yours so unloved.

The only thing I want to say is:
He is too lucky to have you.

undertow

you are a hurricane
ravaging the shores of bars and friday nights
you are 70 mile per hour cigarette smoke
with a slight chance of perfection
dear, you dance like lightning
all the while unsmiling
i wonder if i could be the ground beneath your feet
i'll love you senseless
i'll love you still
until my rivers run the rain of your drunken tears dry
raindrop by raindrop until we have nothing left to cry for
i will give you my valleys
the roots of my trees
let your winds level my mountaintops
because you are not tireless, i know
so when the time comes that you'd rather drizzle than drown
exhausted by your undertow
lower your clouds
i will gladly have you

Daydreaming

I created a valley.

The earth cradled a patch of heaven between her arms. I walked through the woodland smell, through the thick-trunked trees, eyeing the wall of gray and moss mountains far off on on either side. Greenery always makes me happy; I'm glad I was brought here.

Be free.

I explored, and came across a large, expansive lake touching the horizon. I swam. I saw the entrance of a cave. It was too dark to go in, and I felt like I was not supposed to go inside anyway. Instead I went to a small grassy hill and lied down to watch clouds and sunlight behind the canopy. I thought about how serene this place is, but also how lonely it could get by myself - even here.

I created a clearing.

Far, far back at the end of the clearing, just before the forest was a figure, reminiscent of No-Face from Spirited Away, except that his mask really did have no face. It wasn't moving, and it was too far away. I didn't feel threatened, but it just felt off. Like the area where he was looked like it was raining television static. I didn't mind it for long.

Hey there.

In the center of the clearing was a stone-and-wood cottage. Wide, but with only one floor. Stone chimney, thatch-roofed. Stone path leading from the weathered, wooden front door. It was open.

On the doorway stood a girl - my guide. She was not familiar, but everything about her made me want her to be. She wore a simple sundress and a tender smile. She wasn't producing light, but I don't know how to aptly describe it other than that she shone. She was bright. I never knew what to call her, but she didn't seem to need a name.

She took me by the hand and stepped backward into the house, from the door through the hallway. Still smiling, so welcoming.

We reached a room. Inside was what looked like a storage room. It was windowed to let in light, but it was empty except for bare platform shelves that lined all four walls.
What I think it meant is that I need to fill this room. Fill it with art, literature, paintings. Accomplish and create things that shall endure, things worth preserving. That this room has the potential to be beautiful, to be complete. I looked at my guide, and she nodded knowingly, even though I had this realization wordlessly.

It was time to leave the room. She took my hand again and led me through the hall and into a second room.

It was the kitchen, and inside, sitting on a bar stool was my father. I really didn't want to see him so my first reaction was "Ah, fuck." But his appearance may have had a lot to do with me thinking over and over "Please don't be my dad, please don't be my dad."

He was smiling sheepishly.
Me: What are you doing here?
Him:
Me: This is supposed to be my place.
Him:
Me: I don't want you to be here.
Him:
Me: You are NOT a good father. You never were there for me, so stop trying to crawl into my life now. There is no place for you here anymore. You missed your chance.
Him:
Me:

And then it was time to leave.

My guide led me out of the cottage. I walked out and followed the stone steps leading away from the clearing. I looked up - the outside looked darker, the shade the world is under when rain is about to fall. My guide waved from the threshold. I guessed that she couldn't step out.

Ten

Nine

This adventure felt serene. But it was time to leave the valley, the lake, the cottage, the girl (, and my mind) behind.

Eight

I was in the classroom again, looking at my body sitting down, in a trance.

Seven

Six

Five

I slowly walk back to where I'm sitting.

Four

I recall that I might forget everything after I wake and I consciously take note of my weightlessness and hope I remember this feeling, please even just this.

Three

It feels amazing.

Two

Perfect.

One.

Infinite.

*snap*

Now, you can open your eyes.

honesty

i believe that all loves are different. i have had a love that was paper thin and skin deep; as beautiful as intricate as fragile as a butterfly's scales. one that only appeared when it needed to be, retiring for the while when I needed it less, not lost but undisclosed; one I thought was forever ready to welcome me back, complete me again when I get too broken (a love that one day had enough of me fucking up). a love that was too tenuous to be tangible, so frail that the mere mention of its existence was enough to break it beyond recognition. a love that was infinite but never eternal.

then there's you. you are the love that's unknowing. innocent and unaware of all the hurt that i could possibly be for you. the one i'm afraid is blind to all of my scars. the one who looks at me and sees an idealized, immortalized reflection; not of me, but of what you need. an image i could never hope to live up to. you're the love that i need, but needs me more. you're the love i'm most afraid to hurt.

to tell you the truth, i agree with the idea that this relationship isn't healthy. we're so different that i can't wrap my head around how we're going to be 6 months, a year from tonight. to tell you the truth, i tried to see me proposing, marrying you - and i couldn't (right now?). but right now i need you, and you need me. and with that comes responsibility. i'll take care of you. i never, never want to hurt you. but i know someday i'll have to.

Acrostic

Ang ganda ng mukha mo'y
Naaalala ko.
Ginintuang kapalaran;
Hahaliling kabataan.
Una kong gagawin pag-bell,
Liliko sa kanan
Imbis na kaliwa;
Nami-miss kita eh.

Galaw mo'y nakabibighani;
Entablado mo'y buong mundo.
Lilitaw bigla ang iyong ngiti't
Bibitaw ako sa katinuan.
Intindihin mo sana.
Mapipigilan ko ba?
Bihira lang may humawak sa kamay ko
O, pagbibigyan mo ba ako?

                  I remember when my family went to Hong Kong Disneyland. Everybody had fun that day, and everyone slept tired, but with smiles on their faces. Except for me. There I was, in the happiest place on earth, and I was on my bed crying like a child while everyone else was asleep. My break-up hit me like a wrecking ball shot from a cannon at point blank range, and the wrecking ball was on fire. I couldn’t and wouldn’t show how scarred I was.

                  --

                  Those days, most people would say I looked perpetually depressed, and perhaps I was. I overthought, and my self-esteem went into dangerously low levels. But I didn’t care what other people thought. Those days, I barely cared about anything at all. I let my grades drop, and sometimes I didn’t go to school when I didn’t feel like it. My mother let me because she was worried.

                  One day I found a rusty spare razor blade on one of the tables at school. I looked at it for a moment and thought, and I forced myself not to think. This is why you’re so goddamn dull. Live a little. I impulsively hid the spare blade in my wallet and brought it home, trying not to let my mind wander to it much as I went on with my day normally.

                  That night, I was in my room, locked for good measure, even though my mom was out late again.

                  Didn’t they say that cutting felt good? Well I’ll tell you, that first time wasn’t. I didn’t cut deep, but aren’t smaller wounds more painful? I remember that day was August 24, because it was one week after our supposed anniversary – if we didn’t break up. Yes, I was that sentimental and shallow.

                  If I had to give an answer as to why, I’d say that I kept doing it for a lot of reasons. Out of loneliness, out of desperation. Out of fear. But especially out of loathing. I hated myself with a passion, and here was a perfect opportunity. If nobody was going to give me what I deserve, I’d do it myself.

                  I hated my mediocrity. I wasn’t into sports, or making music, or acting. I did not believe I wrote or drew well, whatever anyone said. I wasn’t even smart or good looking to make up for all of the things I’m not. I just am. I felt like a placeholder, for somebody that I could be, somebody better, talented, maybe taller. Somebody worth a damn. Somebody who could live the life that I’ve wanted to live, one that didn’t feel as inadequate as the one I was living then. I was so normal, and I hated that.

                  But it did feel good, eventually. It made me forget. It felt like release. It felt like it was loosening cuffs chained to me by the world. It felt like freedom. What better distraction from emotional pain than physical pain? It felt taboo. Pleasure always is. Sometimes it hurts more than it satisfies, but I say that I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all, because if I didn't cut I’d remember how numb I was before this sultry habit. So numb that I only felt how dead I was after I started cutting.

                  --

                  I like how this one person put it: "I don't cut myself to die. I cut to feel alive." It explains the paradox of self-harm well, I think. Pain and blood; aren't they the best indicators that one isn't dreaming  or dead? As the Goo Goo Dolls once sang, "You bleed just to know you're alive."

                  --

                  After a few months, I realized that I no longer cut just because I was depressed. Cutting became part of my routine. Wake up, breakfast, shower, cut, go to school. It became part of who I was, embedded into my person. People took me to be the emo one. I didn’t like that, because they assumed that I was never happy, which I was not. I was still a person, not a stereotype, and I experienced joy just like the rest of you, even if it was not as often.

                  My mother found out eventually. Of course she did. We were in the car, with her driving, and she tried to hold my wrist, but I pulled away. She grew suspicious of my distance, my wristbands, before this, but never confronted me about it until now. I think that she knew (how could she not?), but her head could not possibly accept the idea that her son mutilates himself - until she saw the wounds of course, fresh from that morning, and she cried while driving. She almost crashed the car a dozen times, sadness and tears obscuring her vision, and I was holding on to whatever I can grasp for dear life. It was the most frightening experience of my life up to today. I am so sorry.

                  --

                  I promised her that I’d stop, if I didn’t go to a shrink. She kept her part of the bargain, but I didn’t keep mine. I couldn’t keep away. It held me tight. After that incident, I no longer cut my wrist, but I found my upper arm served well enough. I eventually got over my break-up, but I didn't get over myself, so I did not stop.

                  I worried about myself too. This was the time where I was starting to admit that there was something deeply wrong with me. I went to our guidance counselor to talk to her about it. She asked what was wrong. I stammered because I never told anyone before, so I asked if I could just show her and I did. She smiled concernedly. She didn't act surprised, or disgusted, or act so overly worried that I’d doubt her concern. I loved her for that. We talked about it. I visited her more often that year. And I still loved her even if she told my mom when she said she wouldn't and my mom freaked out again. I don’t blame her, honestly.

                  I did eventually stop. A close friend made me swear never to do it again. I don’t know why I kept my promise to her, but not my mother’s. Maybe I was doing it all for attention, and the attention I wanted was not from my mom. I did eventually stop but even now, the desire to do it again, to feel all of the red sadness to drip out of my body – it did not go away, and I believe it never will.

                  --

                  We were sitting in the place where couples usually go to have their privacy, although we were not a couple. There were a few other people around, but the night made them blur as they went past, or melt with the backdrop painted by streetlamps; we were practically alone. That night felt like any other, dimly lit and tired, except that I was with her, and that made everything seem lighter. I realized that I was tired of being by myself. I didn't know her then as I do now, but sitting on those steps that evening, I felt closer to her than anyone and anything else at that moment.

                  We were in the process of unpacking ourselves for each other to see. Stories about ourselves poured out of us like rain from clouds. She cried that night as she told me things that made up who she was - little intricate details that hurt when taken out, and she was taking them out one by one for me to see and I was trying to do my best to pick the pieces up. I was so afraid of saying the wrong things.

                  She took my hand. I couldn't resist, but I didn't want to. I loved her warmth then. She put her lips to my wrist where dozens of pale lines flawed my skin. She kissed what felt like every single one of them.

                  That had always been a small dream of mine – having somebody kiss my scars. I thought about it before and decided that it would feel like acceptance. It would be validation that they weren't ugly, and they didn't make me imperfect and that my insecurity didn't matter; that they didn't make me crazy or anything. And that maybe I could still be loved despite me.

                  Those kisses gave me what a thousand scars never could have. They gave me hope.

Unatomic

I love you. Why is that so easy to say to you? It shouldn't be. I don't. Maybe once, but that was so long ago, that I forgot how to. You aren't here, never here, so how could I love you? I understand that now. 

Maybe there is a parallel universe where we were all happy. One where you didn't leave and you needed me and I needed you back. But we aren't there; all we have is this one, and guess who screwed up?

I'm not angry or anything. I just don't care. It would be easier if you didn't either. We could live our lives without guilt or neglect or denial or apathetic phone calls or one way streets. Cut our ties and we won't get tangled again. 

But no, you're reaching. And maybe there's nothing left to save, dad. Maybe you're calling a stranger you don't know. Maybe I don't need you, I just need you to leave me be. 

You were never a father to me, so stop trying to be now, when it's all too late. 

i thought we phased out emo already

it hurts to see all the love in all of the stories and novels ever written and believing they're only true in fiction while being surrounded by the unflinching, reality of it, constantly denying to myself that it just never will be for me. my isolation left me wading shallow pools and the waters turned me into something simply not conducive to loving. an relicked remnant, an exoskeleton of something that's long been dead. there's nothing inside and there's nothing outside to hint otherwise. no life would be improved with me in it and none will be diminished with me gone.

just pretend for me a little longer, will you?

lingering.

oh, i'm definitely getting over you.

and the way you brew happiness with
sickeningly saccharine sadness,
breaking equilibrium because you end up with you,
and you are so much more.

and the way your mind is just brimming
with words, words, endless poetry and prose,
all beautiful and candidly golden
pieces of you i want to know by heart.

and the way your lips arch
that makes you look like da vinci painted you into existence,
that makes me ache to know
exactly what it takes to make them curve like that.

oh, i'm definitely getting over you.

it's just that getting over you
takes more time than i thought it would.